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Tonia & Alfie's Story
Tonia is the mother of a young man, Alfie. Alfie uses few words; he lets people know what is important to him in other ways. Those who know and love him understand him most of the time and try hard to work it out when they don’t.
Their living library story was authored by Tonia. It is defined by love and devotion. The love between Tonia and Alfie is reciprocal, the responsibility for charting a happy future was not so evenly balanced. This mainly lay with Tonia.
This is the experience of many parents of disabled children and adults. Tonia received very little help, guidance, or support from education or other public services around transition to adulthood and what this could look like for Alfie. She instead relied upon information that she sourced herself. She also tapped into wisdom and knowledge accessed through a network of friends and acquaintances, parents of disabled children who had, or were, navigating the same system that, in many cases, fails them.
By chance Tonia heard about the idea of Small Supports organisations and this is the story she tells.
A story of love, devotion and connection
There is a bonus chapter featuring an important character in Tonia and Alfie’s story. Tom is the Directory of Eliveate the organisation that now supports Alfie. Tom’s brief chapter is about caring attention, chance meetings, connections and creating opportunities.
In the absence of support to consider the options available, Tonia was making plans for her future with her son Alfie. She weighed the choices she knew were available. There was no help to consider what a good independent life might look like.
No Guide
Families do not engage with social care lightly. They are often in desperate need. The ‘system’ does not feel a safe place for parents or disabled people.
A Careless System
Tonia heard about Small Supports through a chance conversation with a friend.
Chance Conversation
Only What You Know
She had been considering moving to a village or a small town. Seeking a community where they might feel supported. This wasn’t what she wanted, for Alfie or herself, it felt like the only option. Tonia did not feel that this was the best outcome for her son: to live with his mother until she was no longer able to care for him. She felt that he deserved independence like any other young man.
Families are Resiliant
Families are incredibly resourceful. Adapting to lots of people being in their lives and constant change. This all takes energy. An energy that is often not recognised or accounted for.
A Different Future
Tonia heard about a small supports organisation. They started working with Alfie and Tonia. Staring small and building up slowly until he had full time support. The intention was for Alfie to move into his own home with support from his own support team.
Things did not go smoothly, nor did they go to plan. There was lots of support from family and flexibility from the small supports provider.
Everyone kept their focus on the goal of ensuring Alfie successfully move into his own home.
Families are Resourceful
Helping people to prepare for something they have not experienced before can be difficult. Families hold the key; they know their loved ones and what may help to smooth the transition.
No Planning For A Hopeful Future
There are lots of good policies and guidance for supporting good transitions. However, families often experience a different reality.
Families are often left to cope until they are in crisis. And, then have very little choice over the options that are available at their time of need.
What It Means To Have People Working Alongside
Families hold the responsibility for the good lives of their loved one. They have been trained to fight a system that is not responsive just to have their basic needs met. This all comes at a physical, emotional and economic cost.
Tonia explains the difference that great support offered through small supports has made to her, and Alfie. These are things that you would not find on the bottom line of a budget. They are not easily measurable. They are also the things that make life bearable. The opportunity to have breathing space, and to adjust to a different role.
Tonia recognises the advantages of having a wider network of support, paid and unpaid, helping Alfie find his way in the world. Not only for his growth and development but also his future.
“Knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel – there could be a different future was a wonderful feeling.”
Bonus Chapter - Introducing Tom
Tom is the Director of Eliveate the organisation that supports Alfie. He is committed to all the values and principles that distinguish Small Supports organisations from other social care providers.
Finding A Home Not A Placement
Tom and his colleagues worked with Tonia and Alfie to find the right place that he could call home. A place where he could begin to spread his wings and live his independent life.
Chance Meetings, Connections and Opportunities
It could be said that Alfie got the opportunity for his new house because of a lucky chance encounter. Tom met a landlord, and the offer of a house was made.
However, as the saying goes, hard work puts you where good luck can find you.
Tom carried around in his head and his heart that Alfie needed a new home. He didn’t leave this thought in the office when he went home.
Tom is also a people person. He is in the business of cultivating relationships, being interested in people, and making connections. So, a relationship with a fellow dog walker in the park led to a conversation about housing. This in turn led to an opportunity some 6 months later that resulted in Alfie being offered his ideal home.
Small Supports organisations are built on relationships and connections and a belief in people. This is where the magic lies.
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